But phenomenologically I experience a change in myself -- after all this
reading, writing, thinking and conversing in the English of Academe. One
little thing is that there are concepts that I have difficulty finding
Swedish words for. (Well, probably this is an up-scaling and accentuation
of the transformation of becoming an Academic.) Using English in one's PhD
thesis certainly means being appropriated. Made proper and
obedient-to-rules. Though some resistance in the Heyoka spirit probably
helps -- if you are skilful enough to look obedient enough in other
quarters. Or to obey tongue-in-cheek.
It's been a long time now that I have felt that I have the right to make
the English mine, and to transform it as I appropriate it. Allowing myself
to have a reciprocal relation to the language. Even allowing myself not to
know completely how appropriate or inappropriate my transformations are...
although I tend to keep within limits. I try to know what I do. For a small
example I generally don't allow myself to let my fingers slip when typing
messages to the xmca (as I have always prided myself over having an inbuilt
spelling-checker in my reading eyes). Of course they do anyway. Fingers
slip and eyes slip, and messages get sent in haste. I even may sometimes
have an inappropriate spelling among my habits, although I would like to
think not... ((long pause)) I wonder why?? It's as if I have to prove my
right to play with language by first showing that I play on a ground of
correctness... hmm...
Well
enough for one posting
Eva