science development
Mike Cole (mcole who-is-at weber.ucsd.edu)
Fri, 27 Oct 1995 15:29:09 -0700 (PDT)
>>===========================================================
>>Forwarded to me, and now to you, for your reading pleasure.
>>Please read the disclaimers at the end of this message.
>>===========================================================
>>
>>Here are some interesting interpretations of nature from test papers and
>>essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school,
>>and college students around the world. Spelling left as is.
>>
>>"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
>>
>>"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
>>
>>"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
>>
>>"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
>>
>>"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
>>Hydrogin is gin and water."
>>
>>"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
>>
>>"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
>>
>>"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
>>expectoration."
>>
>>"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
>>
>>"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the
>>bull."
>>
>>"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
>>perspire."
>>
>>"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
>>
>>"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
>>
>>"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable
>>cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
>>lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five
>>-
>>a, e, i, o, and u."
>>
>>"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
>>
>>"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
>>
>>"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
>>outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
>>hitch meat to."
>>
>>"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
>>molars, and eight cuspidors."
>>
>>"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards
>>the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
>>I
>>forget where the sun joins in this fight."
>>
>>"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
>>
>>"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
>>
>>"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
>>
>>"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
>>
>>"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
>>
>>"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
>>
>>"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
>>
>>"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
>>
>>"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
>>
>>"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
>>negative."
>>
>>"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
>>
>>"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart
>>stops."
>>
>>"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
>>artifical perspiration."
>>
>>"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the
>>hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
>>doctor."
>>
>>"For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered,
>>then kill it."
>>
>>"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
>>
>>"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your
>>throat."
>>
>>"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
>>
>>===========================================================
>>Disclaimer One: This was done on my personal time, and is
>>not related to U.C. Berkeley, nor does it reflect in any
>>way the views of the University.
>>
>>Disclaimer Too: If you do not wish to receive these
>>occasional humor broadsides, or find something offensive,
>>please let me know, so I can stop!
>>
>>Note: a collection of the best of this humor can be found
>>at my website:
>>
>> <http://fishmonger.berkeley.edu/personal/humor/>
>>===========================================================
>>
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