What is the LCHC web page address, please?
Susan
on 1/27/02 1:24 PM, Mike Cole at mcole@weber.ucsd.edu wrote:
> I have tried to send a copy of Eric's "joke" with genders inverted
> following prior suggestions on the list. That attempt appears to
> have failed.
>
> I will try again in this message, but the jist of my prior note was
> that when you do such an inversion, the stereotypical sexism in the
> joke is pretty clear, and it makes my previous responses inappropiate
> in my eyes. I will try again to attach the inverted joke to xmca
> from another angle, but may fail.
>
> The bottom line is that I feel the need to apologize to Mary, Elizabeth,
> and others for being so dense. I am not in a position to read and
> write carefully and will not attempt to contact xmca until I am in a
> position to do so.
>
> Here is an attempt to cut and paste my inverted version of the joke.
> ------------------------
> KEY MALE WORDS
> 1. "Fine"
> This is the word men use at the end of any argument when
> they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
> longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine"
> to describe how he looks. This will cause you to have one of
> those arguments.)
> 2. "Five minutes"
> This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
> phone conversation is going to last before you take out the
> trash, so men feel that it's an even trade.
> 3. "Nothing"
> "Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
> "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a man has
> of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
> "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
> Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
> 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
> This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
> permission, the result will be the man will get upset over
> "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will
> end with the word "Fine."
> 5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
> This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do
> what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
> eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
> "Nothing" and "Fine" and he will talk to you in about "Five
> Minutes" when he cools off.
> 6. "Loud Sigh"
> This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
> statement. Very frequently misunderstood by women. A "Loud Sigh"
> means he thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why he
> is wasting his time standing here and arguing with you over
> "Nothing!."
> 7. "Soft Sigh"
> Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one
> of the few things that some women actually understand. It means
> he is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
> breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
> 8. "Oh"
> This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example;
> "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to her about what you
> were doing last night." If he says "Oh" before a statement,
> run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. He will tell you that he
> is "Fine" when he is done tossing your clothes out the window,
> but do not expect him to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh
> as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught
> in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a
> raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so
> unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
> 9. "That's Okay"
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a man
> can say to a woman. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
> long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for
> whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the
> word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go
> Ahead." Once he has had time to plan it out, you are in for
> some mighty big trouble.
> 10. "Please Do"
> This is not a statement, it is an offer. The man is giving you
> the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done.
> In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble.
> If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
> 11. "Thanks"
> The man is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
> hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
> 12. "Thanks A Lot"
> "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A
> man will say "Thanks A Lot" when he is really ticked off
> at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
> that you have hurt him in some callous way. Be careful not to
> ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as he will only tell
> you "Nothing."
> Other words and actions to keep in mind.
> No explanation necessary.
> 13. "Later"
> 14. Walk-away
> 15. Silent Treatment
> 16. "I'll do it myself"
> 17. "We'll talk"
> 18. "Whatever"
> 19. "Forget about it"
> 20. "Nice"
> 21. "If that's what you want"
> ---------
>
> Ok, so the attempt seems to have worked. Perhaps my prior message went
> through, perhaps not. But it is worth repeating a couple of thingsd.
>
> The stereotyping in this joke is not appropriate on xmca. It feeds all
> the tendencies that make women feel uncomfortable participating and
> as several women remarked, is made more gauling by being treated as
> if were neutral.
>
> It is not just "about marriage" Eric. It positions women as wiley and
> managing and ignores the pervasive violence of men against women in
> domestic relationships. It takes for granted that such relationships
> are heterosexual, which is not true of this all the valued members of
> this community.
>
> To all, I would say, that to be a legitiamte member of this community
> of practice is to engage in sending messages to this list that promote
> diversity and inclusion. We should live by the statement at the beginning
> of the LCHC web page, and when we fail to do so, someone shoujld point
> that out.
>
> thanks to those who did.
> mike
>
-- Susan Knutson, Professor Département des études anglaises Université Sainte-Anne Church Point, NS B0W 1M0 (902) 769-2114 ext 151
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Mon Feb 11 2002 - 09:22:33 PST