WOW!
----- Original Message -----
From: <MnFamilyMan@aol.com>
To: <xmca@weber.ucsd.edu>
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2002 7:00 PM
Subject: Joke, joke, Warning a joke
> The following is a joke and is not intended in anyway to offend or
criticize.
> I personally find these funny because I can view them from a subjective
> experience of married life. Someone who views them objectively would not
> find them funny. This list was shared with me by my wife, her subjective
> view was of humor as well.
> 1/10/02 - KEY FEMALE WORDS
>
> 1. "Fine"
> This is the word women use at the end of any argument when
> they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
> longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine"
> to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of
> those arguments.)
>
> 2. "Five minutes"
> This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that
> your football game is going to last before you take out the
> trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.
>
> 3. "Nothing"
> "Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
> "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has
> of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
> "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
> Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
>
> 4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
> This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
> permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over
> "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will
> end with the word "Fine."
>
> 5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
> This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do
> what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
> eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
> "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
> Minutes" when she cools off.
>
> 6. "Loud Sigh"
> This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
> statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh"
> means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she
> is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
> "Nothing!."
>
> 7. "Soft Sigh"
> Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one
> of the few things that some men actually understand. It means
> she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
> breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
>
> 8. "Oh"
> This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example;
> "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you
> were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement,
> run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she
> is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window,
> but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh
> as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught
> in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a
> raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so
> unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
>
> 9. "That's Okay"
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
> can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
> long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for
> whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the
> word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go
> Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for
> some mighty big trouble.
>
> 10. "Please Do"
> This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you
> the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done.
> In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble.
> If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
>
> 11. "Thanks"
> The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
> hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
>
> 12. "Thanks A Lot"
> "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A
> woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off
> at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
> that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to
> ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell
> you "Nothing."
>
>
>
> Other words and actions to keep in mind.
>
> No explanation necessary.
>
>
>
> 13. "Later"
>
> 14. Walk-away
>
> 15. Silent Treatment
>
> 16. "I'll do it myself"
>
> 17. "We'll talk"
>
> 18. "Whatever"
>
> 19. "Forget about it"
>
> 20. "Nice"
>
> 21. "If that's what you want"
>
>
> Eric
>
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