Robert Serpell
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---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Carl Bowman <cbowman who-is-at bridgewater.edu>
To: Multiple recipients of list <facstaff who-is-at bridgewater.edu>
Subject: RE: European Standard English
EUROPEAN STANDARD ENGLISH
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the
other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five year
phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the "k", which should klear up some konfusion and allow one
key less on keyboards.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf"
20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil
find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL
FINALI KUM TRU!