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Re: RE: [xmca] Where does the smile come from?
Dear Mary we (women psychologists) can combine enjoy and observe. In
addition to my motherhood and grand motherhood experiences I had some
professional gratification related to the theme of discussion. Once I had to
teach a course on developmental psychology (mainly based on LSV and
followers) in a college of education for a group of immigrants from
Ethiopia. One student had a baby in the mid semester and afterwards came
back and continued her studies. Long after the end of the course we met on
the campus and she said: "Thank you so much for your course. Now I watch my
baby developing and I remember everything you have told us". "Is this your
first child?"- I asked. "No, thank God, he is the number four, but now my
eyes are different".
I suppose she enjoyed the three of her children before too, but this time it
is different.
My new 5 month old grandson had a great sweet smile too.
Bella Kotik-Friedgut
On Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 1:48 PM, Mary van der Riet <vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za>wrote:
> Hi Mike
> thanks very much for the chapter and for the wishes. I think both our
> lives have changed completely. Womb to world seems to be quite a shock
> to the system, and for me person to mother is rather overwhelming, but
> wonderful.
>
> I hope to bring him to ISCAR in September, if all goes according to
> plan, so then you can see the smiles for yourselves.
> regards
> Mary
>
>
>
> Mary van der Riet; School of Psychology; University of KwaZulu-Natal
> Private Bag X01, Scottsville, 3209
>
> email: vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za
> tel: 033 260 6163; fax: 033 2605809
>
> >>> mike cole <lchcmike@gmail.com> 02/27/11 19:59 PM >>>
> Warmest congratulations, Mary!! Whoa, that is a lot of excitement all at
> once isn't it!
> Whose life changed more, the baby's or yours?
>
> The attached chapter we wrote a few years ago is perhaps out of date,
> but it
> has a lot of material on smiling. Its a fantatsticaly interesting
> phenomenon
> and you, lucky duck, get to experience it right now.
>
> Best Wishes for yours and the baby's happy future.
>
> mike
>
> On Sun, Feb 27, 2011 at 6:07 AM, Mary van der Riet
> <vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za>wrote:
>
> > Thanks for the responses, and to Rod for the references. I
> particularly
> > enjoyed the idea that he is probably 'busy with something else more
> > important right now' - that sounds about right.
> > Mary
> >
> >
> >
> > Mary van der Riet; School of Psychology; University of KwaZulu-Natal
> > Private Bag X01, Scottsville, 3209
> >
> > email: vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za
> > tel: 033 260 6163; fax: 033 2605809
> >
> > >>> "Denise Newnham" <dsnewnham@bluewin.ch> 02/27/11 14:10 PM >>>
> > HI everyone,
> >
> > Mary hi, I agree with this very interesting answer below. I had four
> > children and I will never forget being so excited when the second day
> my
> > little baby 'smiled' at me and when I excitedly and cooingly related
> > this
> > happy event I was told in rather a cold tone that this was a burp or
> > other
> > eliminatory type expression. Well then what does a mother do but not
> > smile
> > in return... scary. I subsequently refused all guides to child rearing
> > and
> > decided to do it the South African southern Mama style. Lots of hugs
> and
> > affection and go with the flow.
> >
> > Congratulations by the way Mary:)
> >
> > Warmest thoughts
> > Denise
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu [mailto:xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu]
> > On
> > Behalf Of Rod Parker-Rees
> > Sent: dimanche 27 février 2011 11:55
> > To: eXtended Mind, Culture, Activity
> > Subject: RE: [xmca] Where does the smile come from?
> >
> > Hi Mary,
> >
> > I like the idea, still found in many cultures around the world, that
> > babies
> > have two births - the physical one and then, usually around 6-8 weeks
> > later,
> > what we might call a 'psychological' birth. The physical birth is
> > 'premature' because of the irreconcilable difficulty of relative sizes
> > of
> > babies' heads and women's pelvises so, like kangaroos, the infant's
> > development has to be completed outside the womb. Parents will
> recognise
> > the
> > significant social transformation which comes when the baby 'arrives'
> > and
> > this is often associated with intentional smiles (in Colwyn
> Trevarthen's
> > terms this marks the beginning of primary intersubjectivity, though he
> > now
> > argues that this is present from birth). In other cultures this is
> seen
> > as
> > the moment when the baby's spirit finally settles in our world, having
> > previously been still connected to the spirit world from whence it
> came.
> > This 'arrival' is hard to pinpoint but very clear, particularly in the
> > kind
> > of eye-contact which marks a social connection.
> >
> > Watson's work on infant responses to contingency suggests that babies
> > smile
> > in recognition of contingency between their actions and the
> information
> > they
> > get back from the physical world. Attentive parents (and especially
> > mothers
> > who have a head - or womb- start in developing familiarity with the
> > baby)
> > offer particularly attuned contingent responses so are more likely to
> > elicit
> > responsive smiles which, in turn, serve as very powerful affective
> > rewards,
> > enabling babies to condition their parents to enjoy engaging in
> attuned
> > interactions.
> >
> > The best way to 'bring out' that magical smile is probably to let
> > yourself
> > go and just engage with your baby. I have often worried (as someone
> who
> > teaches on Early Childhood Studies programmes) whether too much
> > conscious
> > awareness of what a baby ought to be doing 'by now' might come to
> stand
> > in
> > the way of the relaxed, almost contemplative, 'full-on' interaction
> > which
> > babies seem to need in order to support their entry into sociocultural
> > communication (which is not, of course, to say that they are not
> > communicative before this, only perhaps more physiologically).
> >
> > The work by Fonagy, Gergely and Target, which has been discussed on
> this
> > forum in the past, presents a detailed summary of research into early
> > communication, affect regulation and attachment (I have just been
> > reading
> > their book - 'Affect Regulation, Mentalization and the Development of
> > the
> > Self' - first published in 2002). They suggest, following Watson (not
> to
> > be
> > confused with the behaviorist!) that babies begin life with a
> > preference
> > for perfect contingency (such as they find in the sensorimotor
> > correspondences between motor acts and perceptual effects) but
> 'switch'
> > at
> > about 3 months to a preference for 'high but imperfect' contingency -
> > such
> > as they find in social interactions where familiar others respond
> > sensitively and attunedly to their actions and affect-displays.
> >
> > Benjamin Spock's advice to mothers to 'enjoy your baby' may be
> intensely
> > irritating to some (easy for a man to say!) but I think it is still an
> > important message - if your baby is not smiling yet that is because
> > she/he
> > is busy doing something which for her/him is probably more important
> > just
> > for now.
> >
> > Apologies if this sounds preachy!
> >
> > All the best,
> >
> > Rod
> >
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu [mailto:xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu]
> > On
> > Behalf Of Mary van der Riet
> > Sent: 27 February 2011 06:29
> > To: xmca@weber.ucsd.edu
> > Subject: [xmca] Where does the smile come from?
> >
> > Baby books lead me to expect my newborn to deliver a smile to me in
> > about a
> > week. As a significant form of social interaction, where does this
> smile
> > 'magically' come from and why isn't it there earlier? What is going on
> > in
> > Thomas's 5 week old mind before this smile appears? What do I do to
> > bring it
> > out?
> >
> > There must be an xmca response to this!
> >
> > Mary
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Mary van der Riet; School of Psychology; University of KwaZulu-Natal
> > Private Bag X01, Scottsville, 3209
> >
> > email: vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za
> > tel: 033 260 6163; fax: 033 2605809
> >
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--
Sincerely yours Bella Kotik-Friedgut
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