I have tried to send a copy of Eric's "joke" with genders inverted
following prior suggestions on the list. That attempt appears to
have failed.
I will try again in this message, but the jist of my prior note was
that when you do such an inversion, the stereotypical sexism in the
joke is pretty clear, and it makes my previous responses inappropiate
in my eyes. I will try again to attach the inverted joke to xmca
from another angle, but may fail.
The bottom line is that I feel the need to apologize to Mary, Elizabeth,
and others for being so dense. I am not in a position to read and
write carefully and will not attempt to contact xmca until I am in a
position to do so.
Here is an attempt to cut and paste my inverted version of the joke.
------------------------
KEY MALE WORDS
1. "Fine"
This is the word men use at the end of any argument when
they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine"
to describe how he looks. This will cause you to have one of
those arguments.)
2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
phone conversation is going to last before you take out the
trash, so men feel that it's an even trade.
3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a man has
of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
permission, the result will be the man will get upset over
"Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will
end with the word "Fine."
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do
what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and he will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when he cools off.
6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement. Very frequently misunderstood by women. A "Loud Sigh"
means he thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why he
is wasting his time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing!."
7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one
of the few things that some women actually understand. It means
he is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example;
"Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to her about what you
were doing last night." If he says "Oh" before a statement,
run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. He will tell you that he
is "Fine" when he is done tossing your clothes out the window,
but do not expect him to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh
as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught
in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a
raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so
unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a man
can say to a woman. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for
whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the
word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go
Ahead." Once he has had time to plan it out, you are in for
some mighty big trouble.
10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The man is giving you
the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done.
In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble.
If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
11. "Thanks"
The man is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A
man will say "Thanks A Lot" when he is really ticked off
at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
that you have hurt him in some callous way. Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as he will only tell
you "Nothing."
Other words and actions to keep in mind.
No explanation necessary.
13. "Later"
14. Walk-away
15. Silent Treatment
16. "I'll do it myself"
17. "We'll talk"
18. "Whatever"
19. "Forget about it"
20. "Nice"
21. "If that's what you want"
---------
Ok, so the attempt seems to have worked. Perhaps my prior message went
through, perhaps not. But it is worth repeating a couple of thingsd.
The stereotyping in this joke is not appropriate on xmca. It feeds all
the tendencies that make women feel uncomfortable participating and
as several women remarked, is made more gauling by being treated as
if were neutral.
It is not just "about marriage" Eric. It positions women as wiley and
managing and ignores the pervasive violence of men against women in
domestic relationships. It takes for granted that such relationships
are heterosexual, which is not true of this all the valued members of
this community.
To all, I would say, that to be a legitiamte member of this community
of practice is to engage in sending messages to this list that promote
diversity and inclusion. We should live by the statement at the beginning
of the LCHC web page, and when we fail to do so, someone shoujld point
that out.
thanks to those who did.
mike
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Feb 01 2002 - 01:00:08 PST