The following is a joke and is not intended in anyway to offend or criticize.
I personally find these funny because I can view them from a subjective
experience of married life. Someone who views them objectively would not
find them funny. This list was shared with me by my wife, her subjective
view was of humor as well.
1/10/02 - KEY FEMALE WORDS
1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when
they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine"
to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of
those arguments.)
2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that
your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has
of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over
"Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will
end with the word "Fine."
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do
what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when she cools off.
6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh"
means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she
is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing!."
7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one
of the few things that some men actually understand. It means
she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example;
"Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you
were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement,
run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she
is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window,
but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh
as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught
in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a
raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so
unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for
whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the
word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go
Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for
some mighty big trouble.
10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you
the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done.
In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble.
If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A
woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off
at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell
you "Nothing."
Other words and actions to keep in mind.
No explanation necessary.
13. "Later"
14. Walk-away
15. Silent Treatment
16. "I'll do it myself"
17. "We'll talk"
18. "Whatever"
19. "Forget about it"
20. "Nice"
21. "If that's what you want"
Eric
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