some humor

Ilda Carreiro King (kingil who-is-at bc.edu)
Mon, 29 Mar 1999 23:00:15 -0500

>
>>
>> > NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES OF GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS IN ALL
MEMBER
>> > STATES OF THE EUROPEAN UNION.
>> >
>> > Proposal of the Council of Ministers by Reichschancellor
>> > Helmut Kohl.
>> >
>> > EC/DIR/6291/33/ECOM/D PROPOSED PHASED INTRODUCTION OF A
>> > PAN-EUROPEAN STANDARD FOR END-USER COMMUNICATIONS.
>> >
>> > Having chosen English as the preferred language in the
>> > European Union, the European Parliament on behalf of the
>> > Federal German Government has commissioned a study into
the
>> > ways of improving efficiency in communications between
>> > member Government departments.
>> >
>> > European officials regularly point out that English
spelling
>> > is irrational and unnecessarily difficult. For example:
>> > 'cough', 'plough', 'rough', 'through' and 'thorough' are
>> > spelled similarly, but are pronounced differently. This
is
>> > especially confusing for French speakers, who are more
used
>> > to words that are pronounced the same but spelt
differently.
>> >
>> > There is a clear need for the phased introduction of a
>> > programme of changes to iron out these anomolies. The
>> > programme would, of necessity, be administered by a
>> > committee staffed at top level by all participating
member
>> > countries.
>> >
>> > In the first year, the committee suggests using "s"
intead
>> > of the soft "c".
>> > Sertainly, Sivil Servants in all sities would resieve
this
>> > news with exsitement. The hard "c" would be replased by

>> > "k", sinse both letters are pronounsed the same. Not
only
>> > would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal
>> > workers, but typewriters kould be made with one letter
>> > fewer.
>> >
>> > It is expekted that in the sekond year, the replasement
of
>> > the troublesome "ph" by "f" would be announsed.
Henseforth,
>> > this would make words like "fotograf" up to 20 per sent
>> > shorter.
>> >
>> > In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
>> > kould be expekted to reatsh the stage where more
komplikated
>> > shanges bekome possible. Governments would enkourage the

>> > removal of double leters, whish have always ben a
deterent
>> > to akurate speling.
>> >
>> > In year four, the sekondary pronounsiation of "s" as "z"
>> > would seaze. The horible mes kaused by the silent "e" in
the
>> > languaj would also be adresed.
>> > Therfor we kould drop thez and kontinu to read and writ
as
>> > if nothing had
>> > hapend. By this tim the skem would be wel under way, and

>> > peopl would be reseptiv to steps sush as replasing "th"
by
>> > "z". Perhaps zen zis funktion of ze "w" kould be taken
by
>> > "v", vitsh iz, after al, only half a "w". Shortly after
>> > zis, ze unesesary "o" kuld be droped from vords
kontaining
>> > "ou".
>> > Similar arguments vud of kors be aplied to ozer
kombinations
>> > of leters or
>> > "difzongs".
>> >
>> > Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer ve vud eventuali hav
a
>> > reli sensibl riten styl. After 20 yers zer vud be no mor

>> > trublsum difikultiz, and evrivon vud find it ezier to
>> > pronons ze languaj in ze sam vay az it iz riten.
>> >
>> > Und zen ze dremz ov ze Geramanz vud finaly hav kum tru.
>> >
>> > Today ze spelink; tomoro ze vurld!
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>