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[Xmca-l] Re: Fwd: Marriage

Another candidate for toxic relations such as contempt may be *cynicism*.
When engaged in *mutually supportive* language and action as complement and compliment seems a good place to begin a journey or a marriage or a return home from estranged lands. And being murually supportive is a good antidote to both  contempt, cynicism.

Sent from my Windows 10 phone

From: Rod Parker-Rees
Sent: May 21, 2016 2:40 PM
To: eXtended Mind, Culture, Activity
Subject: [Xmca-l] Re: Fwd: Marriage

Have a good trip Henry

Your post reminded me of Malcolm Gladwell's account (in 'Blink: the power of thinking without thinking') of John Gottman's research which showed that contempt was the most toxic  symptom in arguments between couples. I guess the 'mitsein' is more or less the opposite of contempt - something to aspire to!

All the best,


-----Original Message-----
From: xmca-l-bounces@mailman.ucsd.edu [mailto:xmca-l-bounces@mailman.ucsd.edu] On Behalf Of HENRY SHONERD
Sent: 21 May 2016 21:54
To: eXtended Mind, Culture, Activity
Subject: [Xmca-l] Fwd: Marriage

It’s been LESS than an hour. I can’t take back what I said, but I think “Creative Collaboration” would be a better subject line, maybe. Hmmm…I love talking to myself.

> Begin forwarded message:
> From: HENRY SHONERD <hshonerd@gmail.com>
> Subject: Marriage
> Date: May 21, 2016 at 2:33:43 PM MDT
> To: "eXtended Mind, Culture, Activity" <xmca-l@mailman.ucsd.edu>
> Gente,
> Not long ago the chat profiled marriage. I have forgotten the subject line, but I am pretty sure it was Andy who nailed it. Anyway, I remembered about that just this afternoon in puttering around the house, as Judy and I get ready for a trip from here in “Breaking Bad” territory: over to the California coast in San Luis Obispro... from whence north through San Franciso... inland to Sacramento and then up to southern Oregon for the wedding of my niece. Feeling good about the trip (we leave tomorrow!) but a little stressed as we get ready,  with the predictable little bumps in our marriage as we try to collaborate comfortably, smoothly and effectively so as to leave at a good time tomorrow, good being so that we are at least half-way to the coast before we stop for the night in some motel. I am pleased to say that we are doing better than in times past at this. It seems to me that this is due in some part to our allowing ourselves to compliment and complement each other. Something “mitsein” about our activity. I have come up with the following prediction:
> Subjects engaged in an activity together are more creative and effective when engaged in mutually supportive language and action.
> I say “subjects” to encompass all sentient beings, but can imagine push back there. My own an hour from now. I like the semantic field suggested by creativity. All due respect to Vera and Andy, without pinning any blame for my little homily. Home? Get it?
> Sigh
> Henry


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