Your perceptions/assessment of the list are beautifully expressed, Randy. And, I
sympathize with your Midwest experiences. I have always lived in California, yet
have frequently been "accused of being from New York." I take the accusation as
a compliment and love an informed controversy, where people are listening to one
another. I guess it happens often enough to keep me engaged, at least on the
margins of academe.
Molly Freeman
Randy Bomer wrote:
> I'm having to discipline myself not to include the vocative/salutation at
> the beginning of this message, but I found it very helpful to read Rosa's
> comment that that convention seems less than inviting. It seems to me to be
> helpful to discuss the language/addressive norms of this list because, even
> though I'm interested in most of the things people write here, and even
> though I mentally compose about a hundred responses to the one I post, I
> usually choose not to take the risk of writing into the conversation.
> Sometimes when I have, I've ended up feeling less than energized to keep
> writing - more like demoralized. It has something to do with the "cold
> shoulder" some people have mentioned. Some of the people I thought I was
> writing to don't respond; some of the people who do respond seem not to have
> understood me. There's a feeling, also mentioned by others, of people
> talking past each other. Not that this is at all uncommon in academic
> face-to-face interactions. It may be in the nature of the ideas we're
> dealing with and the talking/writing-as-a-thinking-device we're using. Also,
> I'm absolutely sure I do it, too.
>
> Like Nate, I don't see the offense in the request for activity triangle
> diagramming processes. That's of course partly because I didn't see the
> initial question as being addressed to me. I was positive others on the
> list had more to say about inserting diagrams than I did. So even if I'd
> seen it as rude or abrupt, which I didn't, I wouldn't have taken it
> personally. Then again...I'm a guy.
>
> I'm sure I'm not the first to notice the gendered responses here. The
> expectation/desire for things like "please" appears to me to be more intense
> among female identities than male. This seems to fit with Tannen's other
> findings about gendered talk styles. When my wife says "I'm sorry," I do
> find it irrationally difficult just to say, "I'm sorry, too," even though I
> know that, sociolinguistically, this is the way out of the problem. (Don't
> worry; usually, I do manage to get there.)
>
> In case anyone was thinking you have to cross national boundaries to find
> different standards of politeness/abruptness...
>
> Oh, and about Rachel's observations about argument. I know the exhaustion.
> I've spent most of my life in NYC, which is where I recall Rachel being now.
> But I just moved to the Midwest USA, and now I miss the out-frontness and
> find it almost impossible to feel an intersubjective space with people who
> remain silent but resent what you're saying all the while....
>
> Randy Bomer
> Indiana University
> --
>
> ----------
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Tue Mar 07 2000 - 17:54:08 PST