Re: Dog Wisdom

Paul Dillon (dillonph who-is-at northcoast.com)
Tue, 17 Aug 1999 10:34:14 -0700

George,

The cat from whom the following diary entries were taken would certainly
envy the success of the guide dog you tell us about in your post.

Paul H. Dillon

Excerpts from a Cat's diary...

DAY 659 -- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
>>>>dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
>>>>forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
>>>>the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
>>>>the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
>>>>houseplant.
>>>>
DAY 662 -- Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
>>>>their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this
>>>>at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
>>>>these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on
>>>>their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.
>>>>
DAY 669 -- Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
>>>>depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
>>>>
DAY 681 -- Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body,
>>>>in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try
>>>>to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
>>>>about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm-not working according to
>>>>plan
>>>>
DAY 688 -- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no
>>>>good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
>>>>it included a burning foamy chemical called shampoo." What sick
>>>>minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece
>>>>of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
>>>>
DAY 690 -- There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
>>>>I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could
>>>>hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call
>>>>"beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
>>>>MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it
>>>>to my advantage.
>>>>
DAY 699 -- I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be
>>>>snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
>>>>return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
>>>>to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something
>>>>akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
>>>>reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
>>>>his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.