My concern with "use your words" is more cultural in that there are variety
of ways in which to express likes/dislikes that are not violent, but we
seem to privledge the verbal to a greater extent. When I did my internship
we had alot children from Taiwain in which a more non-verbal form of
expression / communication is valued. While in itself there is nothing
wrong with "use your own words" it is often used in the context of other
forms of communication being negated and not being respected.
At times, in seeing the practice in action I have gotton the feeling of it
being a practice of blaming the victim, but I have also seen it work
successfully in the other way. For me, the joint activity that Linda
discusses is very important for it to be used successfully. I have also
seen particular children thrive on the child-child conferences and use it
as a technology of power. One child in particular whenever someone
disagreed demanded some sort of conference. It seems it often becomes one
of those robotized things that end up losing its context. It becomes more
of a game as in this is what the teacher wants us to do so lets put on a
good show.
In reference to conflict resolution some of the most successful approaches
I have seen have been peer to peer mediation. Resolution with only the two
parties in the conflict tend to intensify the situation or one ends up
dominating the discussion. Mediation with peers seems to work because its
away for one not directly involved in the conflict to translate/ mediate
each others concerns. Also, in Schools for Growth, the Barbara Taylor
school I believe, there is a strong emphasis on not having it be a personal
problem, but a group one. Two children in a conflict effect the whole
group or class so that where the resolution takes place. The
successfulness of such an approach may be in contrast to being organized
around a conflict between two students it is placed in reference to the
goal of the community itself, creating a safe place for children to develop
and learn.
Nate
----- Original Message -----
From: Linda Polin <lpolin who-is-at pepperdine.edu>
To: <xmca who-is-at weber.ucsd.edu>
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 1999 8:39 PM
Subject: Re: uzi yr words
> >Use your words (including your ability to utter the phrase) I don't like
> >than--stop that--sounds like words I understand and could own as a
> >picked on kid. Seems clear to me.
> >I understand the remark that in teacher-ese use your words appears as
> >an alternative to use your fists or your tears or become a tattler or
> >a crybaby (the low status kid role par excellence)...
> >Whose words are those ? kid on kid violence.....
> >KB
>
> The kids are pretty good about picking up the entire negotiation culture.
> It begins as a teacher mediated thing. I can recall it arising in Sarah's
> 2-3 year old groups a couple of years ago. There'd be some offense or
other
> and some child would start screaming. The teacher would draw the two
> parties together and mediate some talk about turn taking or throwing sand
> and would invoke "use your words."
>
> It does sound rather adult, but then, that's sort of the point. The kids
> are comfortable using it. I've seen kids mediate other kids with it at
> Sarah's school. I've also seen school districts spend a lot of money on
> "conflict resolution" and "teach peace" activities in middle school and
> high school.
>
> Btw, a doctoral student of mine just did a very interesting study in
which
> she had middle school kids use a MOO to roll play and discuss conflict
> resolution scenarios. They were "mentored" by high school kids 1,000
miles
> away who had been somewhat instructed on conflict resolution and
mediation.
> I, for one, was rather skeptical of the likelihood of achieving any
> measurable results in the time frame she had...I was wrong. THe key seems
> to have been the language... the students comment quite a bit about the
> acquisition of a vocabularly for talking with other people about
problems.
>
> I used to mock the "use your words" stuff cause it sounded so Mr.
> Rogers...but now that I'm a mommy and I've seen it really work for kids,
I
> have to eat humble pie.
>
> Linda
>
>