Some light relief
Phil Graham (pw.graham who-is-at student.qut.edu.au)
Sat, 28 Nov 1998 21:08:36 +1100
>Date: Sat, 28 Nov 1998 09:09:30 +1100 (EST)
>From: Chris Cleirigh <cleirigh who-is-at speech.usyd.edu.au>
>Subject: humour only
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>To: sys-func who-is-at uts.edu.au
>Reply-to: Chris Cleirigh <cleirigh who-is-at speech.usyd.edu.au>
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>
>The following are all quotes from 11 year olds' science exams:
>
>"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
>Hydrogin is gin and water."
>
>"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
>
>"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
>
>"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test
tube."
>
>"When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carmon monoxide."
>
>"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."
>
>"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
>
>"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
>
>"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
>expectoration."
>
>"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
>
>"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of
the
>bull."
>
>"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
>perspire."
>
>"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
>
>"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
>
>"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable
>cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and
>lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowels of which there are
five -
>a, e, i, o and u."
>
>"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
>negative."
>
>"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
>
>"For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart
stops."
>
>"For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
>Artificial Perspiration."
>
>"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the
>hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
doctor."
>
>"For a dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered,
>then kill it."
>
>"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
>
>"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
>
>"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your
>throat."
>
>"To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow."
>
>"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
>
>"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
>
>"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
>outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to
>hitch meat to."
>
>"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
>molars, and eight cuspidors."
>
>"The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards
>the moon because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a
vacuum. I
>forgot where the sun joins in this fight."
>
>"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
>
>
>... and some definitions ...
>
>"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
>
>"Litter: A nest of young puppies."
>
>"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
>
>"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
>
>"Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
>
>"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
>
>"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
>
>
Phil Graham
pw.graham who-is-at student.qut.edu.au
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/8314/index.html